Coyotes at Addison Oaks 25

Race 2: The Dirt Road World Tour

Addison Oaks isn’t a mountain bike race. It’s NASCAR on dirt with snack tables. It’s so flat and so fast that if you blink, you don’t just miss your rider…you miss the entire lap. Parents swore they saw sparks flying off the trail. One dad whispered, “I think my kid just drafted a goose.” For those that trudged the grass this weekend, you know.

By Saturday afternoon I had 15K steps on my Garmin and it still had the audacity to call it Unproductive. I hurdled logs. I ran suicides through the woods in jeans. I scared a squirrel into early retirement. Unproductive? Yeah, OK, Garmin.

James decided pre-ride was too calm, so he snapped an axle clean off before the race even started. Yes, during the PRE-RIDE. The sound was somewhere between “car crash” and “tree falling on your garage.” The Modzelski pit crew appeared like a Nascar team with a Costco membership. By evening James was patched up and grinning like, “What axle?”

Meanwhile, I made the worst possible choice: I gave Kaitlyn and Reese a microphone. Picture two teenagers unleashed on live audio. It was one hour of chaos: snack power rankings, unsolicited roast battles and, at one point, a full-blown karaoke of some random song I’d never heard of. ESPN would’ve cut the feed. Netflix would’ve asked for a season. It’s absolute gold…and yes, it’s coming soon to a social feed near you, once I survive editing it.

And then the balance bike race…the Super Bowl of absurdity. Alexander lined up vibrating like a toddler who just discovered espresso. Fueled by what can only be described as a gummy frog overdose, he launched with the cadence of a sewing machine on a bumpy table. Parents screamed. Coaches tried to film and forgot how hands work. This four-year-old nearly got sponsored on the spot.

While that was happening, Finn discovered the ten pounds of gummy frogs at the snack table. Ten. Pounds. He dove in like a raccoon in a Taco Bell dumpster at 2AM. When caught gummy-handed, he gave us the side-eye that said, “Yeah, I did this. What are you gonna do about it?” Spoiler: we’ll be finding gummy frogs in team bags until November.

And oh, yes…meet the newest team mascot. A dog. But not just any dog. Little Debbie Swiss Cake Roll. Debbie if she’s chill. Deborah if she’s caught committing snack crimes. She’s cute enough to win over judges and chaotic enough to bankrupt the snack table in one weekend. (Somewhere between Finn and Debbie, snacks don’t stand a chance.)

Sunday morning rolled in colder than a freezer full of regrets. Kids were pretending short sleeves made them “aero,” parents were wrapped in sleeping bags like burritos and Garmin still insisted every effort was Unproductive. Addison went full Iceman cosplay, minus the snow.

Enter the underground pour-over coffee station. This wasn’t coffee. This was a system reboot for parents running on fumes. Ryan offered me a cup and as good as it looked, I passed…because let’s be real: drinking it would’ve guaranteed an unscheduled pit stop somewhere on I-96.

Parent/Coach confessional: “That coffee smelled so good. But I knew if I drank it, I’d still be somewhere on the side of the highway in Brighton.”

And then the donuts. Perfect glazed rings of pure joy. They appeared Sunday like contraband from the snack gods. Coach Jeffy actually tried to smuggle one in his jersey pocket for mid-race fueling. Sticky? Yes. Questionable? Absolutely. Worth it? You bet.

At Addison, snacks weren’t snacks…they were survival. Granola bars turned into motivational speeches. Donuts became tactical gear. Gummy frogs? Jet fuel for children. By noon Sunday, the exchange rate was chaos. One donut meant three parent sprints through the woods. Seven gummy frogs meant toddler warp speed. One pour-over meant temporary invincibility. The snack table wasn’t a table. It was Wall Street. Finn was the Wolf of Wall Street. Debbie was his enforcer.

James’ axle died and came back to life. Cam’s chainring…for the first time in recorded history…survived an entire Varsity race. No carnage. No shards of metal. No mechanic rocking in the corner whispering “why me.” Addison was officially paranormal.

Addison isn’t a race. It’s a dare. Who can mash the gas pedal the longest without bursting into flames. Starts were nuclear. Mid-race was a blur. Finishes were chaos. Parents ran so hard someone probably set a Strava KOM called “Desperate Dad Dash.” Overheard trackside: “Did my kid just break the sound barrier?” and “I blinked and missed the lap. All of it.” Garmin, still unproductive. Always unproductive. Ugh.

Yes, we streamed live updates on Instagram. If you loved it, you’re welcome. If you didn’t, well…maybe stick to watching golf updates instead?

And here’s the real drumroll…the Coyotes are STILL leading High School. STILL leading Middle School. And Elementary? Only 70 points from the series lead. Could this be the year we take it all? Could the snack-powered T-Rex dynasty sweep the board? Parents, start rehearsing your victory laps now.

Ray blasted into 10th in Varsity Male, legs spinning like he was late for Thanksgiving dinner and the last slice of pie had his name on it. Easton locked 12th, mowing down riders like Pac-Man, while Camden stormed into 13th, charging through Addison like the course personally owed him money. Parents barely caught glimpses…just yellow-and-blue streaks followed by muffled screams and someone’s Garmin buzzing Unproductive.

Reese stole the weekend in Varsity Female. The leaders slipped away on Lap 1 and most kids would’ve waved goodbye. Not Reese. She hit the turbo, clawed her way back on Lap 2 and just when the second-place rider hit the dirt, Reese attacked like a gummy-fueled velociraptor. She stormed into 2nd like she owned the deed to Addison. Meanwhile, Ocean cruised into 14th as smooth as butter on warm toast…and she did it sick, part of the same mystery bug that sideswiped half the girls. Sadie fought it out too, throwing down hard until the bike finally said “nah,” also under the weather.

Kaden went full piston mode in Junior Varsity 11–12 Male, hammering into 2nd so hard the finish chute tape is still twitching. Kellen slotted into 8th, quiet assassin vibes, and Sam grinned his way into 13th like he’d just been promised donuts at the line.

Tristan dominated Junior Varsity 9–10 Male with the dub, rolling across in 1st like the course was built just for him. Luke powered into 6th, Will muscled into 7th, Tyler bulldozed through traffic to snag 20th and Henry dragged his legs into 27th. Proof Coyotes don’t stop, even when the tank hits empty. Parents sprinted harder than the kids just trying to keep up.

Kaitlyn in Junior Varsity Female rolled up with a head cold, part of the bizarre science experiment that knocked a few of the girls sideways like Addison Oaks had its own petri dish. Most kids would’ve curled under a blanket with Netflix and soup. She didn’t just ride through it, she made “mildly contagious” look like a race strategy. Grit, mucus and snacks…the heart of Coyotes racing.

Then came Middle School…a full swarm of Coyotes. In Male Advanced, Cruz landed 5th, Sawyer 6th, Jakob 8th, three deep in the top ten like a wrecking crew. Max fought every pedal stroke for 14th, James ground out 26th with pure spite. In Female Advanced, Laila straight-up took the win, no questions asked, while Sammy stormed 4th and Harper snagged 7th, basically turning the race into a Coyotes demolition derby.

Robbie kept the chaos rolling in Novice 9th Male, taking 10th with a sprint that shaved years off his parents’ lives. Hadley soared to 2nd in Intermediate 6–8 Female, absolutely fearless. Ellie cracked top ten with 8th by attacking like every lap was the last, and Alida locked down 19th, stubborn as a kid refusing bedtime.

Coyotes rolled deep in Intermediate 7–8 Male with Calvin in 6th, Ryland in 9th, Dylan in 14th…three yellow rockets blasting down the trail like it was a parade. In Intermediate 6th Male, Michael slammed into 3rd and Easton stormed 5th, giving the podium a strong Coyotes flavor.

The Novice 7–8 Male crew was pure chaos. William took the win so fast people wondered if he cut the course (he didn’t, he’s just built different). Tyler blasted into 5th like his snack privileges depended on it. Caleb and Spencer fought side by side for 20th and 21st, collapsing at the line like war heroes.

The Advanced Elementary Male race was a sprint clinic. Camden in 3rd, Ryder in 5th, Raylan in 6th…three Coyotes hitting the chute so hard the tape nearly melted. Lola came in hot with a 5th in Advanced Elementary Female, making it look like another Thursday at practice.

Anneke and Fiona made the Elementary 5th Grade Female race a soap opera. Anneke grabbed 3rd with a final kick that made parents scream like it was WrestleMania, while Fiona clawed her way into 12th with stubborn grit. Over in Elementary 4th Grade Male, Jeremiah slammed 9th, Miles hustled into 23rd, Diego tucked in right behind at 24th and Sawyer went down swinging before a DNF cut the story short. Aspen lit it up for 6th in Elementary 4th Grade Female, Rainey locked 16th and both crossed the line louder than the cowbells.

Caleb grinned through Elementary 3rd Grade Male, rolling into 17th like he’d already spotted the snack tent. The Elementary 2nd Grade Male crew went feral…Wyatt blasting 6th, Titus pounding into 8th, Matthew grinding through for 24th. Meanwhile, the Elementary 2–3 Female race turned into a Coyotes family photo op: Gracelyn bombed into 2nd, Lucy in 3rd, Winnie in 8th. Podium looked like a snack-fueled team meeting.

Ashton flew into 3rd in Elementary PreK–1 Male, arms pumping like a presidential candidate at a rally. Emalyn waved like royalty in Elementary PreK–1 Female, floating into 3rd while smiling at the crowd the whole way. Honestly, the most composed human at Addison might’ve been her.

And that’s Addison. Chaos. Snacks. Axles snapping, donuts disappearing, mystery bugs, Kleenex, gummy frogs and a dog named Little Debbie leading the charge. Race #3? Owasippe. Old school, hand-cut trail. Roots, rocks, grind, grit. The kind of place that chews you up and serves you seconds. It’s in BFE, service is nonexistent and even Garmin will be begging for mercy. Don’t expect live updates…I can’t post until I crawl back to civilization. And yeah…we kinda love it.

Full results under the photo gallery!