Word of the weekend? Crash. Not the movie. Not the stock market. Just Coyotes hitting the dirt like it was a team-building exercise. Dust clouds, snack clouds, brake squeals…Bloomer Park this weekend wasn’t a race, it was a fever dream sponsored by snacks. Eighty degrees. In October. Michigan. Somebody turned the “simulate July county fair” knob to 11 and then dropped a MiSCA race in the middle. Dust in the air, snacks everywhere, parents on folding chairs looking like they’d just signed up for a reality show they didn’t audition for.
Elementary kids? Playing Truth or Dare in the tent. Except not one dare involved donuts. NOT ONE. That’s like playing UNO without screaming “UNO”, like karaoke without “Don’t Stop Believin”. Somebody please revoke their youth athlete card until they redeem themselves with a donut stunt.
Coach Paul rolled up with a toolkit so pro it made the other teams look like they were fixing bikes with a butter knife. Foam cut so perfect it could be a wedding cake. NASA called; they want their pit crew back. Paul, you’re not a coach anymore…you’re the wizard of wrench. We’d let you swap a bottom bracket mid-air while reciting the MiSCA rulebook. Pretty sure even Wyatt the current team record holder for “most derailleur hangers and spokes sacrificed to the trail gods”…sleeps better knowing Paul’s on call.
Sammy’s derailleur quit before the race like “nah, not today”. She just shrugged, grabbed Coach Mom’s bike and said “it’s fine but slow on pavement”. Good thing this race isn’t on I-75. This course is 99% dirt, kid. Adapt. Overcome. Dominate. Coach Mom’s rig is now officially a team asset. She may not line up in the race, but she’s already got a number plate….next time we’re just calling it a two-for-one entry.
Lilly (the dog) went full diva and stole every fan in a three mile radius. Spelled out H-O-T-T-O-G-O and turned the tent into her own snack-powered VIP lounge. Everyone else melted like popsicles at a July parade…meanwhile Lilly was posted up with two battery-operated fans running like jet engines, fanning herself and ruling over Snack City like the undisputed mayor.
Coach Ryan brewed coffee so strong it probably has its own race license and a Strava account. I doubled up with Tim Hortons first (rookie mistake) and by lap two my hands were shaking so bad the GoPro footage looks like a Bourne movie filmed on a pogo stick. Pretty sure I saw into the future for a second or two.
And the switchbacks? OH YEAH. (Kool-Aid Man, not Mr. T. Mr. T pities fools, Kool-Aid Man busts through walls…huge difference here, peeps.) That section was pure, beautiful chaos. Dirt sliding left, dirt sliding right…cha-cha real smooth. Riders getting the “downhill express lane” when they turned too hard. It looked like Mario Kart but with real-life crash physics, no blue shells, and the snack tent as the finish line. I didn’t even move that much… the action just kept coming to me like a snack conveyor belt. If there had been coffee delivery, I might still be sitting there.
Parents in the tent were in full wildlife-documentary mode. You could hear David Attenborough in your head: “Here we see the adult Coyote parent, clutching coffee and quietly questioning their life choices as small humans on bikes launch themselves into the abyss.” Anthropologists could’ve been taking field notes. All we needed was a cotton candy machine and a DJ yelling “make some noise” over a remix of Cha Cha Slide to complete the vibe.
Now, about The Cammies…yes, Cam DeJong’s fan club is real and somehow growing faster than our snack budget. Think Swifties, subtract stadium glitter, add trail dust, chain lube and snack wrappers. Our DMs are a Cam-only suggestion box at this point. Working glossary: “Cam-era” = any device used solely to capture Cam; “Cam-ouflage” = dressing in dust-colored kit to blend into his draft; “Cam-munity service” = handing out snacks while yelling split times. Membership tiers? Trail Dust (starter pack: sticker, half-eaten gummy), Snack Elite (early access to blurry Cam photos + quarterly “Cammentary” voiceover of his best switchback) and Full Send Platinum (exclusive right to start the chant: “C-A-M! Cammies don’t cram…we carbo-load, fam!”). Initiation is simple: hold a gummy worm aloft, declare “Think Swifties…now add trail dust and Cam…boom, Cammies,” then sign the Snack Pledge (“In crumbs we trust”). Rules are loose: hydrate, cheer loud, never gatekeep snacks, always tag #Cammies so the algorithm knows what’s good. Official mascot is “Camcorder,” a GoPro on a selfie stick that somehow only films Cam even when it’s pointed the other way. Merch ideas pending: “Cam Happens,” “Dust We Trust,” and “Property of the Cammies Athletics Dept.” Newsletter title options: “The Cam Post,” “Cam & Circumstance,” or “DeJong and Prosper.” Is this ridiculous? Absolutely. Is it happening? 100%. Our inbox proves it daily.
This wasn’t just a race. This was a high-octane sugar documentary starring Coyotes who refuse to act civilized, parents who lost track of their snacks and coaches who are basically ringmasters of a two-wheeled circus. And it was amazing. OH YEAH.
We’re the full-send Swifties of MiSCA right now…High School Coyotes sitting at #1 like a surprise midnight drop, Middle School and Elementary battling like it’s a Ticketmaster meltdown and next weekend is our State Championship stop on the tour. Think secret vault track meets snack stampede…no quiet crowning ceremony here, just glitter, dust, screaming fans and snacks flying like confetti at a stadium show.
And now…onto the results recap.
Over in Varsity Male, Ray (2nd) didn’t just race, he surfed a dust cloud so big it probably has its own weather app and a seven-day forecast. Easton (9th) made the switchbacks look like a gentle Sunday ride while everyone else was doing interpretive dance with their front tires. And Camden (16th)…Cam didn’t even need to pedal hard…the Cammies fan club added three more members mid-lap just because he existed. They’re now up to secret chants, Cam-era angles, laminated membership cards coated in trail dust and possibly a shrine made out of empty snack wrappers. First rule of Cammies? Bring snacks. Second rule? Don’t talk about snacks unless you’re sharing.
In Varsity Female, Reese (3rd) stacked another podium like it was part of her hydration plan. She crosses finish lines the way people cross off grocery lists: calm, efficient, done. Ocean (10th…best Varsity finish yet!) smiled through the chaos like she’d been promised cotton candy at the end…and then actually delivered, because that’s how she rolls. And Sadie (15th) stuck the landings like she was auditioning for “MiSCA’s Got Talent” with judges holding up snack wrappers instead of score cards.
Slide to JV 11–12 Male and it’s Kaden (2nd) looking caffeinated by osmosis…kid rides like he has an espresso sponsor and a loyalty punch card. Sam (14th) and Kellen (15th) hammering like the snack table was closing in five minutes. Fun fact: Sam’s shifter came loose and Kellen literally pushed him to the finish. Now that’s teamwork! PSA from the snack tent: tighten your shifter, Coach Paul has the tools LOL. They weren’t racing the clock, they were racing the cooler of Cosmic Brownies and it was a photo finish.
Cha-cha to JV 9–10 Male where Tristan (2nd) matched lap times like a metronome set to “send it.” Luke (4th) and Will (5th) formed a snack-powered mini-train that picked off riders like grocery carts collecting snacks down an aisle while the PA system played “Cha Cha Slide.” And Tyler (14th) played real life Mario Kart on the final stretch of Lung Buster, somehow finding room in the chaos to slot himself exactly where he wanted like the last Cosmic Brownie in the box.
Glide to Junior Varsity Female and Kaitlyn (6th) ate dust, not drama and still finished like a pro….one part grit, one part snacks, two parts “don’t tell me where to turn,” plus a sprinkle of “watch me do this anyway.”
Then we slide straight into Advanced Middle School Male where Cruz (2nd) and Sawyer (4th) weren’t just racing, they were basically in a live-action Mario Kart bonus level…double-drafting, perfect cornering, snack boosts on the straights. Jakob (7th) drifted every turn so clean it looked like a highlight reel, while Owen (12th) unlocked hidden jumps nobody else even knew were there. Max (17th) was the rock in the middle of the chaos, steady as a metronome and James (22nd) racked up XP every lap, collecting “power-ups” of grit and still finishing smiling like he’d just won Rainbow Road.
Over in Advanced Middle School Female, Laila (2nd) looked like she had a secret engine under the seat, Sammy (6th) took every corner like it owed her money, and Harper (8th) floated the sketchy bits like she was in a TikTok slow-mo. Nobody out there was yelling “6–7!” but as a Millennial dad I’ve got to say…these kids will never understand that Lil Wayne dropped 6 Foot 7 Foot before they were even out of training wheels. I’m basically the guy at the snack tent muttering “this was my jam” while they look at me like I’m speaking dial-up.
Clark lined up in Novice High School 10th-12th Grade Male and treated “Novice” like a dare. Seventeenth on paper, but he ripped every lap like the snack tent was closing, hammering straight through the dust while others coasted. Robbie in Novice 9th rode to 13th with full stealth Coyote energy…no drama, no panic, just steady laps and a grin that said “yeah, I’m coming back for more next week.”
Meanwhile in Intermediate 6–8th Grade Female, Hadley (1st) crowned herself queen of the dust ribbon while Ellie (14th) and Alida (16th) refused to tap the brakes and still finished smiling. Drift into Intermediate 7–8th Grade Male and you’ve got Calvin (3rd) on a mission, Ryland (6th) as smooth as fresh chain lube, Dylan (8th) catching bodies in the switchbacks, and Michael (11th) counting passes like math homework. Spin to Intermediate 6th Grade Male where Easton (1st) treated it like a time trial to the snack tent and Michael (5th) wasn’t far behind….that’s a top-shelf 1–5 punch right there.
Tyler (5th), Jack (16th) and Spencer (25th) in Novice 7–8th Grade Male basically ran a mini Coyote pack. Tyler hammering like he’d been promised slushies, Jack steady like a metronome and Spencer rolling in with full “future varsity” energy and a smile.
Ryder (2nd), Camden (4th), and Raylan (7th) in Advanced Elementary Male were three small chaos merchants running laps like a snack-powered relay. Lola (5th) in Advanced Elementary Female rode like the course was built for her YouTube channel (we think she has one?) main character energy in every corner.
Anneke (3rd) and Fiona (8th) in 5th Grade Female both finished with the “yes, I just did that” look kids get when they beat their personal bests and the snack tent isn’t empty yet. Sawyer (3rd), Jeremiah (9th), and Miles (24th) in 4th Grade Male were like a tiny peloton of popsicles. Aspen (6th) and Rainey (14th) in 4th Grade Female kept it upright through the sketchy bits and still managed smiles at the finish.
William (3rd), Bennett (10th), and Caleb (20th) in 3rd Grade Male were a rolling advertisement for Cosmic Brownies. Titus (2nd), Jack (3rd), and Wyatt (16th) in 2nd Grade Male looked like future podiums in the making. Gracelyn (1st) and Lucy (3rd) in 2nd–3rd Grade Female basically turned one lap into their own victory parade.
And the tiniest Coyotes? Ryan (5th) in PreK–1st Male finished like the snack table was a finish-line prize and Emalyn (2nd) in PreK–1st Female put the cherry on top of the entire weekend…one lap, one grin, so many donuts.
Fifty-eight Coyotes. All grit, all dust, all snacks. Bloomer never saw it coming.
Full results below the gallery of weekend fun!
Full Results:
Varsity Male
Ray Muehlenz – 2nd
Easton Roberts – 9th
Camden DeJong – 16th
Varsity Female
Reese Drajka – 3rd
Ocean Trierweiler – 10th
Sadie James – 15th
Junior Varsity 11–12th Grade Male
Kaden Spitters – 2nd
Sam Bazuin – 14th
Kellen Rottier – 15th
Junior Varsity 9–10th Grade Male
Tristan Hubbard – 2nd
Luke Dewall – 4th
William Hughes – 5th
Tyler Veley – 14th
Junior Varsity Female
Kaitlyn Tungl – 6th
Advanced Middle School Male
Cruz Woodbury – 2nd
Sawyer Willink – 4th
Jakob Boer – 7th
Owen Rookus – 12th
Max Clemo – 17th
James Broughton – 22nd
Advanced Middle School Female
Laila Hubbard – 2nd
Samantha Weaver – 6th
Harper Roberts – 8th
Novice 10–12th Grade Male
Clark Workman – 17th
Novice 9th Grade Male
Robbie Scholz – 13th
Intermediate 6th Grade Male
Easton Johnson – 1st
Michael Eicher – 5th
Intermediate 6–8th Grade Female
Hadley Ruch – 1st
Ellie Pankey – 14th
Alida Ward – 16th
Novice 7–8th Grade Male
Tyler Whipple – 5th
Jack Witte – 16th
Spencer Bundy – 25th
Advanced Elementary Male
Ryder Pankey – 2nd
Camden Host – 4th
Raylan Hansma – 7th
Advanced Elementary Female
Lola Clemo – 5th
5th Grade Female
Anneke Willink – 3rd
Fiona O’Byrne – 8th
4th Grade Male
Sawyer Weaver – 3rd
Jeremiah Fisher – 9th
Miles Eicher – 24th
4th Grade Female
Aspen Trierweiler – 6th
Rainey Broughton – 14th
3rd Grade Male
William Bernatche – 3rd
Bennett Baker – 10th
Caleb Grenier – 20th
2nd Grade Male
Titus Broughton – 2nd
Jack Baker – 3rd
Wyatt Johnson – 16th
2nd–3rd Grade Female
Gracelyn Host – 1st
Lucy Clemo – 3rd
PreK–1st Grade Male
Ryan Baker – 5th
PreK–1st Grade Female
Emalyn Fisher – 2nd
